your thong is hanging out like whoa
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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