he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
