So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
