textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
