I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
