Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
