I think I am morally bankrupt
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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