I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
