Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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