Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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