fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
