I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
