so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
