I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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