I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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