in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
