I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
