you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
