Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I cut my penus on the lid.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
