Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
