My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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