I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
