We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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