literally had 100 drinks last night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
