so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
