she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
