i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
if i died would you start the facebook group?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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