Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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