I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
