She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
