I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
