I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
