I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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