Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
