Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
