I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
love makes seman taste better
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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