your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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