So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
