she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
