Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
