No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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