I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
