My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
