i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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