I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
