I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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