advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
