He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
