I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
