I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
